


my heart has slow footsteps (with all my strength i chased after you)

by PensamientosOscuros



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25488802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PensamientosOscuros/pseuds/PensamientosOscuros
Summary: “You’ll love it here, sweetie,” her dad told her. “It’s going to be just like Toronto, maybe even better!” She nodded, trusting the smartest man she knew. He was never wrong! So if he said it’d be fine, she’d believe him.She didn’t love it much at first, turned out.
Relationships: Kang Seulgi/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 7
Kudos: 104





	my heart has slow footsteps (with all my strength i chased after you)

**_Eight_ **

-

Korean rolled off Seungwan’s tongue awkwardly, in clumsy bursts of consonants and syllables. She missed the coldness of her city, the crowded neighborhoods full of noisy children and tall trees, the smoothness of English coming out of her mouth without thinking.

“This is home, Seungwan _,_ ” her mom told her after she complained for the upteenth time, but she was too young to rationalize that she had been born there, spent the first few years of her life in that very house before they moved away, then back. She even missed turning her head when people would call _Wendy._

School was different as well, but it jogged her memory when she saw herself in her neatly pressed uniform, lunchbox at the ready. Maybe it would be okay and she’d manage to make new friends, to remember the language and get good grades, just like she was set to do back in Toronto.

“You’ll love it here, sweetie,” her dad told her. “It’s going to be just like Toronto, maybe even better!” She nodded, trusting the smartest man she knew. He was never wrong! So if he said it’d be fine, she’d believe him.

She didn’t love it much at first, turned out.

-

**_Nine_ **

-

She liked school, inevitably, no matter where she attended it.

She got good grades, good reviews from teachers — she was  _ good  _ at it! But no matter how hard she studied, how quickly she familiarized herself with a language she thought forgotten long ago, kids still found her  _ weird _ .

“Isn’t Seungwan a boy’s name?” They’d ask her, and she’d reply with a decisive ‘ _ yes, but it is my name, and I am a girl’.  _ Of course boys could be called Seungwan, that’s how names worked! Didn’t they see? 

Other times, they’d make a fuss out of sitting next to her in class, complaining about her loud voice and fast-shooting arm whenever the teacher asked a question. During lunch she’d sit on the same table as the kids from her class, following with attentive eyes their inner jokes and conversations, feeling the dull edge of rejection when she wasn’t included in any of them.

She was always the first one in class in the mornings, neatly hanging her tiny coat on the room’s colorful hangers lining the walls. That particular day, there was another person sitting in one of the desks, back curved over a notebook as they scribbled what seemed to be the answers for the day’s homework.

She would’ve usually ignored it, sitting down on her seat, appreciating the moment of peace she was granted before everyone started pouring in, but something about this classmate’s posture screamed an urgency that she couldn’t pretend wasn’t there.

Scratching her arm in prospective awkwardness, she shuffled to the girl.

“Hi,” she started, voice small, so unlike the confident little lilt she always used in class. She thought that maybe now wasn’t the time. She looked down at the open notebook, messy and full of little splotches and crossed-out answers, indeed covered by the incorrect answers to their math homework. “Do you need help? I already did mine, in case you want to…”

She trailed off when sleepy eyes turned to her, a yawn almost managing to break in this stranger’s face before she contained it. She was familiar like many of her classmates were, but she couldn’t say they had talked before. The girl blinked a couple times, mouth partly open like she was processing this stranger’s offer. a second later, she scratched her cheek, which was suddenly aflame with embarrassment.

“No, see, I stayed up last night playing video games,” she sounded hurried suddenly, even though sleep still blurred some of the words together, nervous fingers fiddling with a pencil case with the words  _ Kang Seulgi  _ messily penned. “And I forgot we had homework due. But now I’m trying to do it and I don’t think I know how it works?” 

Seungwan didn’t hesitate for a second before leaning down to look at the notebook. Her handwriting was messy and disorganized, but it was easy to spot where she had made the first mistake. The frazzled girl pushed back the chair next to her silently, and before they realized it Seungwan had sat down next to her, patiently explaining the strange world of numbers and divisions.

By the time the bell rolled around, other students started walking in, the previously quiet room filling with the squeaking of shoes and animated voices gearing up for a new day.

Seungwan suddenly tensed up on her chair. It wasn’t like she wasn’t supposed to be there, but kindness was hard to stumble upon in this classroom, and she awaited for the inevitable sneer from the kid shooing her out of their seat. 

But it never came.

“Hey, do you want to sit here?” Seulgi’s kind eyes, more awake now, left no place for doubt. She wasn’t doing it out of convenience, but because she really didn’t mind having Seungwan there with her, with her accented words and too long sentences. “Unless you’re already sitting with a friend!”

“No, no!” Seungwan was quick to dispel that idea. “No, I can stay here.”

Seulgi’s fluffy cheeks came up to her eyes, squishing them in a smile. “Great! I’m excited. My name’s Seulgi, by the way. You can sit here every day, if you want.”

Seungwan felt something change for her as she smiled back.

“I’m Seungwan.” She was suddenly very thankful for her early mornings. “I think I will.”

_ - _

**_Ten_ **

_ - _

Seulgi’s eyes drifted curiously all over her stuff. From the books that piled up in organized chaos on one corner of her desk, to the awards she managed to bring from overseas, to the family pictures littering the walls.

“You’ve won so much stuff,” Seulgi declared in awe, tracing bony fingers over one prize or the other, seeing the now familiar lettering of  _ Shon Seungwan  _ adorning every single one of them. An ice-skating boot-shaped trophy caught her eye, and she turned it over slowly with the utmost care, before repeating the process with some junior rock climbing helmet-shaped metal. “How did you have time to have fun?”

“I had fun winning,” Seungwan shrugged, not thinking much of it. “What else was I supposed to do?”

They were hanging out in Seungwan’s house for the first time. She lived further from school, and it had become almost tradition to simply walk to Seulgi’s whenever they wanted to hang out after class. Today, Seungwan had nervously offered her own home for the first time since coming back, and her nerves had been soothed immediately by Seulgi’s incomparable enthusiasm. Twenty minutes later here she was, observing with barely contained tension as her new friend —  _ best _ friend, dare she say — went through her past life.

“I wish I lived in Canada too,” confided a distracted Seulgi, fingering the edge of a red and white flag hanging from her closet door. “That way we could’ve met earlier, and we would’ve learned English together.”

Seungwan swallowed the feeling of nostalgia for something that hadn’t happened. “Maybe we’d hate each other if we met back in Toronto. I like that we met here.” Seulgi hummed her understanding, although Seungwan had an inkling that she hadn’t really assimilated her words.

“Did you play games? Or watch TV?” Seulgi’s innocent question made Seungwan giggle for a moment, breaking the heavier atmosphere of their wishes.

“Of course I did! I love watching TV, but here I don’t so much because there’s so many things to do.” 

Seulgi turned to her with a comically suspicious look. “You’re lying,” she stated, face stoic as she stopped surveying Seungwan’s belongings for a second. Her eyes resembled slits, pretending to be judging the shorter girl like a movie villain would. “You’re one of those kids who never watch TV because they’ve been, like, brainwashed. There’s that look in your eyes. What’s the last thing you saw?”

Seungwan had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from bursting into laughter. “ _ What?  _ What look?”

“Wannie,” Seulgi insisted, and the new nickname made something stir inside the shorter girl. She wondered if it had slipped, or if Seulgi would make a habit of remembering it. “What was the last age appropriate show you watched? If you say something like  _ Gilmore girls, _ I will wrestle you to the ground.”

Seungwan had a feeling that she was bluffing, but she wouldn’t risk it. “Okay, okay! It was this show called ‘Legend of Korra’. It’s about this girl…”

“ _ ‘Who is the avatar _ ’. Yes, I know, Shon, I have watched the  _ real  _ show, thank you very much.” Her faux distaste was ridiculously funny coming from the sweetest person she knew.

“The real show?”

Seulgi pulled a face as if to say  _ ‘duh! _ ’. “Um, ‘Avatar the last airbender’? You know, only the best show on earth?”

That made Seungwan raise an accusatory eyebrow. “Okay, those are  _ clearly  _ different shows, so why did you bring it up when I’m talking about  _ my  _ show?”

Seulgi raised her head in defiance. “Because no best friend of mine shall  _ ever  _ prefer Korra over Aang! I will make sure of it.”

The rest of her playful tirade got lost in translation because,  _ oh. _

She had just called Seungwan her  _ best  _ friend. 

It was no longer in her head, alone with her wishful thoughts, but it was tangible in the words and feelings of Kang Seulgi as well. The coolest, nicest girl she knew, considered her her  _ best friend. _

Seungwan felt like she could run a marathon.

(She found herself agreeing with whatever it was that Seulgi said next, especially since it was along the lines of ‘ _ Besides, Korra has Mako, ew!’ _

Seungwan had to respect that.)

-

**_Eleven_ **

-

Prepubescent girls formed the strongest bonds, they would come to find out.

“Summer camp  _ sucks _ ,” bellowed a sulky Seulgi, who had managed to plop herself on top of Seungwan’s half-packed duffle bag. She was visibly distraught at the idea of her best friend leaving her for two eternal weeks, and if it wasn’t obvious just by her disgruntled state, she made sure everyone knew one whine at a time. “Are you sure you can’t just stay with me? There’s no bears here!”

Seungwan turned to her with a small frown. “But there’s no bears on the campsite either.”

Seulgi looked at her  _ very  _ seriously. “Allegedly.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds.

“ _ Fine, _ ” a displeased Seulgi gave up, eyes rolling to the heavens. “There’s no bears, but there’s  _ bugs _ . What’s worse than a spider crawling up your body in your sleep, Wannie? Tell me one thing,  _ one single thing _ , and I’ll let you go.”

Seungwan shivered at the mental image her best friend had planted in her brain. “Yah! Why are you like this? It’s just a couple of weeks, and we can talk every day!” She reminded her of her brand new phone, courtesy of her parents for her exceptional grades, and the fact that Seulgi’s brother had acceded to lend his baby sister his own phone so she could stay in touch with her emotional support buddy. “Besides, you’ll be busy the whole time with summer dance classes and swimming! I don’t think you’re even gonna have time to miss me.”

Seulgi’s pout deepened with every word she heard. “All I’m hearing is  _ ‘I won’t miss you, Seulgi, and also you’re a baby _ .’”

“But I didn’t say that!”

“But I got it!”

“You’re wrong!”

Seulgi smacked a growing hand down on Seungwan’s pile of clothes, which made Seungwan’s head turn sharply to her with a warning glare. Ignoring the sweat suddenly building in the back of her neck, she defiantly kept her hand down for a second too long to stake her dominance over the argument — and if she also wanted to make sure Seungwan wouldn’t kill her for messing up her clothes, then that was  _ her  _ business. 

When it was clear everything was safe, she repeated the action. 

A little bit softer, just in case.

“Say you’ll miss me, and I’ll forgive you.”

Even at her young age, Seungwan  _ hated  _ losing arguments. Giving in just wasn’t part of her vocabulary, and Seulgi knew it. Sadly for her, Seulgi also knew all her weak spots.

She stopped scribbling down on her notebook to pin Seulgi with yet  _ another  _ glare…

...which died as soon as she saw her best friend’s dejected face.

Bear-like features were twisted down in quiet disappointment, sullen eyes avoiding her like the plague, betraying the fake aggression she tried to exert.

It made Seungwan’s heart ache.

She got up with a sigh, foregoing the last of her summer homework in favor of flopping down onto her pink comforter next to her best friend, who didn’t move away when Seungwan discreetly moved her hand next to Seulgi’s until her fidgeting pinky was brushing her friend’s. Seulgi huffed before trapping Seungwan’s pinky with her own.

_ Victory. _

“I will miss you,” the shorter girl confessed into the air, counting the lights on her ceiling over and over to distract herself from the strange tug of emotion in her belly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t say it before.”

“And you also called me a baby,” unhelpfully added the offended girl.

Seungwan opened her mouth to retort, but she thought better of it. They wouldn’t see each other in two weeks, and no matter how much she rationalized it, she  _ would  _ miss Seulgi’s overzealous energy and her ridiculous musings. 

“I’m sorry…” she struggled for a second, “...that I called you a baby. You’re my best friend, not a baby.”

Seulgi shifted next to her. There were words hanging in the air, and Seungwan waited.

“What if you find a new best friend there?” Her voice was meek, painfully sincere in an afternoon that was supposed to be fun before two weeks of missing each other’s best friends. Instead, it sounded like Seulgi was readying herself to be forgotten by Seungwan altogether. “I mean, it’d be fine. Dahyun-ah has  _ two  _ best friends; Tzuyu-yah and Chaeyoungie get on well too. So I guess it wouldn’t be the worst thing!” Seungwan could sense it would be the  _ worst  _ thing. 

The shorter girl felt Seulgi’s grip tighten around her pinky almost painfully.

“Seul,” she started, trying to decide how to best word what a best friend meant to her. It wasn’t someone she could meet in a camp and click with, or someone who could make her laugh until tears welled up in her eyes. It was  _ Seulgi.  _ “You’re my best friend. You will always be. I’ll show everyone your picture,” she ignored her friend’s embarrassed whine, “and I’ll make sure they know Kang Seulgi is my best friend in the whole world, even if she’s annoying sometimes.”

“Takes one to know one,” grumbled Seulgi, but it was clear that she believed Seungwan’s words, thankful for the reassurance. “Promise you’ll tell me if you find someone cooler than me, though.”

Seungwan looked actually offended. “ _ Fine,  _ I will tell you if I hypothetically find someone cooler than my best friend. What will you do anyway?”

Seulgi shrugged nonchalantly. “Cry, I guess.”

“Yah!”

Two weeks later, Seungwan’s leg bounced nervously in the back of her dad’s car.

She could barely pay attention to his words, immersed as she was in what she would find back home. Would she have time to sneak out to the Kang’s home before sunset? Would her mom force her to sit down and retell every single adventure she went in? Would —  _ oh, gosh _ — would her  _ aunt  _ be home, ready to fight back Seungwan’s stories with anecdotes of her own that she couldn’t possibly care less about?

Her dad’s eyes crinkled at the sides as he surveyed his absent daughter on the back seat. 

“Okay, dear,” he said, breaking her out of her trance for the first time as he parked the car in front of their house. “Why don’t you go wash up? I’ll take everything upstairs.”

She agreed with a polite bow of the head, opening the door with heavy limbs. Those past two weeks of constant action were weighing on her, and she found with severe disappointment that maybe, the secret trek to Seulgi’s house would have to wait until the next day.

The only problem was, that whatever it was that she felt, it was reciprocated just as strongly.

“Wannie!”

Her eyes were wide as saucers as she was pulled into her best friend’s lanky arms.

Of course, Seulgi could feel the disbelief in the second it took Seungwan to get rid of the stiffness of her body. “You thought I wouldn’t be waiting for you to come back?” She whispered against brunette hair, all teasing and knowing. Seungwan just hugged her tighter, taking in the scent of her best friend.

“Shut up.”

_ Home. _

-

**_Twelve_ **

-

“I think Jaehyun oppa likes you,” confided a smug Sana, whose lopsided smirk  _ never  _ preceded anything good. “I heard that he was gonna ask you out this weekend.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows raised to her hairline in unrestrained shock.

“Huh?” She inquired, completely caught off guard. “You mean me?”

Seungwan for her part was silent next to them, digging around her food with stabby chopsticks. It wasn’t the first time she heard about boys liking her best friend —  _ hell _ , there had even been a rumor about an underclassman girl completely head over heels with Seulgi a couple years back —, and it made her feel insecure, which in turn made her feel  _ jealous _ . It stirred something deep within her, in the vaults of her ego where she felt completely inadequate next to someone as loveable and open as Seulgi.

Still, she tried to be supportive.

“Ooh, he’s cute,” she prodded, winking at Sana from across the table who in turn giggled low. “And an  _ upperclassman,  _ Seul! He’s in high school!”

“He’s not all that,” her poor friend answered, who seemed suddenly caught between a rock and a hard place at Seungwan’s unexpected betrayal. “Besides, I-I don’t have time! I’m always busy, and hanging out with you!” She added, an accusatory finger pointing at her best friend. “So he can ask someone else out, for all I care. I’m not interested.”

Sana had a glint in her eye. “In him? Or in  _ boys _ ?”

Seungwan’s breath stalled in her chest, chopsticks halfway into another lethal slash to her food. 

She stood like that, eyes fixed down on the table as she waited for Seulgi to reply next to her.

“I…” 

The bell rang throughout the cafeteria, Seungwan’s petite body jumping up half a foot off the chair at the sudden cut of tension.

She didn’t know why she was so angry at the school bell.

  
  


Seulgi’s hand was bigger than hers; not so much in girth but on the phalanges tipping over hers almost to the knuckle. 

“Do you like someone?”

Seungwan looked at the tender flesh beneath her palm with curiosity. She hadn’t stopped thinking about earlier that day, about the doubt radiating off Seulgi’s body in waves when asked if she liked a boy, any boys at all. “No. Do you?”

Seulgi’s fingers flexed, curling a little bit. “I think...” Seungwan waited with bated breath, snug in the cocoon of her bedroom where they passed the time before Mr. Shon had to call them down for dinner. “It’s hard to find someone I like. Boys are just…” the words hung in the air, unspoken. Despite the unknown, something in Seungwan agreed. “Maybe in high school?”

Seungwan’s heart thumped harshly. “Maybe in high school, yeah.”

-

**_Thirteen_ **

-

  
  


The last year of middle school wasn’t as bad as Joohyun unnie had made it out to be, free of it after stepping into the adult world of  _ high school _ . It was  _ fun,  _ they’d even dare to say, but perhaps their view was tainted by a best friend, souls so close to each others’ that it was sometimes hard to tell where Seulgi ended and Seungwan began.

“Teenage girls are like that,” Mr. Kang would usually say with those same feline eyes Seulgi got from him curving up into a smile. “They love so fiercely, I’ve never seen something quite like it.”

Seulgi was always quick to defend herself, oddly embarrassed in front of Seungwan, who would look down to hide her blush at being so easily read.

“Yah, we also fight a lot!”

Seungwan would pipe in meekly from beside her, her innate need to please the adults around her momentarily pushed aside, tilting her chin up to face him. “Yeah, sometimes I have to tell her to stop whining and actually do her homework, because she takes so long…!”

“Yeah!” Seulgi agreed heartily. One second later, she turned a disbelieving face to Seungwan, eyes and mouth wide open, nostrils flaring. “That was  _ not  _ the point I was trying to make!”

Their devotion went unnoticed by no one, and it was reassuring, really. Everyone knew it would be  _ Seulgi and Seungwan _ , forever.

  
  


Their middle school weekends ended just as they started: spent in each other’s company, as attuned with each other as anyone could ever be. In the dark of those nights, they weren’t afraid to show that maybe, Seulgi’s dad was right.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Seungwan didn’t dare speak any louder in case someone else would hear her. Only Seulgi could. “Like, not the mystical kind, but the connection. Loving someone and understanding them, even at their worst, when you’d hate anyone else.”

“Yeah,” Seulgi whispered, a bit louder than her friend. She always had trouble adjusting her voice. “My mom always tells me she and dad were meant to be, so I guess it’s kinda the same thing.”

“Because he was engaged to someone else when they fell in love, right?”

“Yeah. They’d been best friends for years, had different partners and everything. Then, one day,  _ poof _ . Magic.” The longing was evident in Seulgi’s voice, heavy in the darkness of her room. Seungwan wasn’t one for sleepovers, but she enjoyed them with her best friend. Funny, calm Seulgi. “I wonder if that’s for everyone, or if only some people are lucky enough to find their person.”

Seungwan pondered quietly. She thought about this a lot.

“I think not a lot of people have that. Someone loving you like that is special, it can make you a better person. Kinder. Or it can make you sad.”

“Like in the movies.”

Seungwan contemplated for a second as she took in the warmth of her best friend next to her, about Jack and Rose and the curse of meeting your soulmate early on only to lose them forever after. “Yeah. Like in Titanic.”

“I like that.”

It was Friday night. They pretended to be asleep when Seulgi’s mom checked in on them, stifling their giggles into each other’s hair. They promised that they would sleep early to wake up and study the next morning—  _ liars _ , the couple of them. Inseparable, delirious liars.

On the same wavelength. Across universes.

“I hope you find your person, Seul,” Seungwan wished into the quietness of their atmosphere. “You deserve a soulmate.”

A hand found hers clumsily in the night, embracing fiercely.

“I already have.”

  
  


-

**_Fourteen_ **

-

  
  


High school was the biggest change any of them had to face ever since a tiny Seungwan stepped foot back in Korea, and it showed. As best friends, their interests often converged, but it was also true that the fine balance they had, unbroken by the slashes of time and change, was becoming stronger because of what they  _ didn’t  _ share. 

They were essentially growing into polar opposite personas in many ways, two branches of the same stem reaching out in their own directions. It made them work seamlessly.

“This movie?  _ Again _ ? Seul, come on.”

The taller girl grinned up at her impishly, knowing that no matter how much her best friend whined, they’d end up watching it again. “I know you love it too, why are you complaining?”

“I do not! I only watch it because you make me.”

“Because you  _ love _ me,” Seulgi corrected her smugly, cheeks pushed up under her eyes in her best imitation of a squirrel’s cheek pouches. Seungwan would have pinched them, had she not been pretending to be mad at her.

“I spoil you, I think. It’s getting to your head.”

“You won’t be complaining so much when I take you to Vienna and invite you to fried chicken and fries.” She hit play on the remote, enjoying the accordion music coming from the open credits of  _ Before Sunrise _ , dropping heavily next to Seungwan on the couch. The shorter girl snuggled into her side immediately, yanking on her arm as reprimand for the movie choice before bringing it around her own shoulders petulantly.

“You cannot even invite me to that here,” she opposed with a chortle, but heat crawled up her cheeks nonetheless at the promise. Seulgi pulled her closer, rubbing her cheek against her hair lovingly like a cat. “How are you going to afford a whole trip to Europe?”

“Just wait until I’m rich and famous, just you wait.”

Seungwan had to hide her smile on the curve of Seulgi’s shoulder. She really didn’t mind the movie much.

  
  


-

**_Fifteen_ **

-

Seulgi was  _ never _ aggressive.

“Seulgi-yah!  _ Stop _ !”

Seungwan’s voice didn’t really make a dent in the scene in front of her: her best friend straddling Sihyun from the football team, scrawny fists raining down on his face, blood dripping from her bruised nose and onto his varsity jacket. The younger girl screamed again, angry tears stinging in her eyes at the sight of her best friend, hurt and hurting.

“Seulgi, please!”

Seulgi stopped then, looking up like a wounded animal recognizing its pack between the sea of teenagers with their phones out. Her eyes found Seungwan’s, took in her trembling frame, the crutches flanking her sides, and the flash of rationality that crossed her face disappeared just as fast as it came. Her face turned back into a girl she didn’t know, dripping blood, not above harming someone else.

She watched helplessly as Seulgi raised her arm again, raw knuckles catching the light of the fluorescents in a painful red. She saw with barely concealed horror as her arm tensed, years of dancing and extracurriculars making her stronger than the naked eye could see, watched as it coiled with all her might, ready to strike him down one last time.

Then, finally, she saw it go slack, and she breathed.

Seungwan wasn’t allowed to go with her to the principal’s office, instead having to be driven home in Joohyun’s car. They’d usually cover the way home in a fifteen minute walk, but Seulgi had been religiously taking her brother’s bike to school since Seungwan broke her ankle a couple weeks before, and today she wouldn’t be able to fulfill her best friend duties.

Joohyun, who made a habit of picking Sooyoung up after her last lecture of the day, refused to drop her off at Seulgi’s, both Park sisters awfully quiet the whole ride to Seungwan’s, like she had been the one to get into a fight. Joohyun helped her out of her car silently, Sooyoung carrying her backpack all the way into her house. They did not speak much at all, but Sooyoung made sure to press a shy kiss to her cheek before running back to the car, all lanky limbs and a red face.

She tried calling Seulgi for hours, dozens of texts going unanswered in what she guessed was evidence that she wouldn’t have access to her phone in at least a week. Anxiety sprang through her body, making her curse her stupid ankle for not being able to carry her where she longed to be, when all she wanted to know was whether Seulgi was okay. It was hot lately, and even though crutches weren’t the most terrible of accessories, her hands kept slipping with sweat under the scorching sun whenever she used them for more than two minutes at a time.

By 6 p.m., she decided that she didn’t care.

It took her roughly thirty minutes to cover a walk she’d usually make in ten, but all the sweat and future blisters were well worth it when she got to lean into the big, sturdy tree planted right under Seulgi’s window. Nine pebbles (and several curse words) later, the window opened to show a disgruntled Seulgi.

Seungwan’s eyes widened at the sight of her best friend: her nose was covered in gauze, the skin under her eyes already turning an ugly purple, split lip reddened around the edges. It looked like it hurt. Discomfort swam in her stomach knowing that Seulgi had gotten herself in trouble, but she couldn’t ignore what she had seen that morning.

“Wannie, what… why are you here?” The surprise in Seulgi’s voice drew a frown out of her best friend. Did she not know that she’d trudge across the country in crutches and infernal temperatures for her? 

“You wouldn’t answer my messages!” She protested, careful not to raise her voice enough that the Kangs could hear her downstairs. “And no one would drive me here either. I was worried — are you okay? Did you break your nose? Why were you—?”

“Shh,” Seulgi shushed her, looking behind her before disappearing out of sight for a second — only to reappear moments later, clambering down the tree like a squirrel.

“That was reckless,” Seulgi chided once her feet touched the ground, swiftly leading Seungwan away from the tree and through the back door into her garage, practically carrying the shorter girl. “You could’ve hurt yourself.”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

Soon they were inside her family car, Seungwan’s leg carefully propped up on the backseat while her back rested on Seulgi’s front, mercifully isolated from the world. She inspected her friend’s hands thoroughly, soft fingers ghosting over the raised skin, specks of dried blood and torn flesh making her stomach turn. 

What had driven her calm, peaceful Seulgi to that point?

“Why did you do it?” She murmured into the silence. The anger brewing inside her all afternoon had sizzled away, leaving behind only the deep concern that maybe she didn’t know all of Seulgi, that there were crevices not even she got to explore.

She felt the taller girl shrug behind her, her chin digging into her shoulder, making itself at home while Seungwan allowed her to wind an arm snug around her midsection. It was too warm inside the car, the windows beginning to fog at the same time she felt a bead of sweat run down her back. She had half a mind to complain but Seulgi’s breath felt nice against her cheek, steady and familiar.

“He started it,” the girl mumbled petulantly. “He’s an asshole, did you know? I’m glad that you didn’t let him take you out! He’s always picking on people smaller than him, so I just gave him a piece of my mind…”

“You’re smaller than him! He broke your nose!”

“He bruised it!” Seulgi exclaimed, rattled that her best friend didn’t see her point. “But I  _ did _ break his. Feminism!”

Seungwan huffed. “Oh, shut up.” She wasn’t mad, not really. She pressed her thumb into her friend’s palm, not caring that it was damp with sweat already, watching the skin give in, so pliant under her finger. She couldn’t imagine Seulgi’s flesh used to bring harm to someone else, it wasn’t right. “Will you tell me the truth?”

Seulgi shifted behind her. Her breathing was closer. “I did.”

Seungwan traced the lines on her palm thoughtfully. “No, you didn’t. I have never seen you that angry, Seul. You didn’t look like you, it was like seeing someone else in your body.” She felt her tense behind her, but she pressed on. “What really happened? And don’t come at me with that vigilante bullshit!”

“You’re so annoying,” she grumbled, “it really wasn’t that big a deal…”

“What? Not  _ ‘that big a deal’ _ ? You broke his nose!”

“He broke your ankle!”

It was as if the air had been sucked from inside the car. Suddenly, everything stalled, except for Seulgi’s words rattling inside her head.

“What?” She asked, voice low. “I tripped, Seul. He had nothing to do with it. I was alone…”

“I overheard him,” Seulgi interrupted her, voice oddly cold. “He was talking to his buddies about how they had to be more careful next time they pranked someone because ‘Shon broke her fucking ankle, so we cannot post that video anymore’. You yourself mentioned how clumsy you had been, tripping on nothing, well, turns out  _ he _ was the something. He was there with I don’t know who else, and they made you fall, and when it was obvious that it had gone wrong they couldn’t gather enough fucking human decency between all of them to help you. Is that good enough?” Her voice trembled by the end of it, her fist clenching painfully against Seungwan’s stomach at the memory.

Seungwan didn’t know what to say. Was it good enough?

“You still shouldn’t have done it,” her voice broke a little under the sudden constriction in her throat, trying to appear unfazed by the information that a guy who had asked her out, some boy she went to school with and smiled at in the hallways and who sometimes called for her in the cafeteria had done that, and then had had the  _ nerve _ to hurt Seulgi. “You’re too good to stoop down to their level, Seul.”

“Clearly I’m not,” she argued airily. “I would have done more if I hadn’t seen you there, you know.”

Something warm stirred inside her belly at the admission that Seulgi, as wrong as it was, wanted to defend her. Her nice, overly kind friend had marched up to a boy twice her size and she had confronted him, all to avenge Seungwan’s accident. She would never admit it, but the knowledge of it was so pleasant that she had to actively fight the smile blossoming on her lips.

“Don’t say that,” she said instead, trying to pretend that she hadn’t completely forsaken morality for the satisfaction of feeling so fiercely loved. “Say you won’t do it again.”

Seulgi’s hand relaxed on her stomach, patting down Seungwan’s shirt a little. She watched as her best friend fiddled with her other hand, smaller fingers smoothing over the skin over and over. It felt nice in her abused hand.

“I can’t promise that.”

Seungwan smiled at that.

“Do it, or I stop talking to you.”

Seulgi’s snort rumbled from her chest, echoing through hers. “You would  _ never _ .”

“I so would!”

Seulgi pulled her a bit closer, Seungwan’s damp back making her grimace when the air hit it before it laid on Seulgi once again. Suddenly her mouth was brushing the shell of her ear, the slight brush of gauze tickling below it.

“You would never, Shon Seungwan, you big softie. You’d love me even if I was the worst person on earth.” 

She winced when Seungwan’s elbow connected with her ribs. 

“Ouch! I’m injured, stop abusing me!”

“Do  _ not _ try it, Kang Seulgi.”

“ _ ‘I will obliterate every single man who lays eyes upon thee…! _ ’”

“Oh my god, stop!”

Words soon turned into laughter, and the heat soon turned into bunched up shirts and sweaty limbs, and Seulgi’s arms soon fanned out away from her friend who still lied on her chest, cozy and gross, just how she liked. An hour passed like that, between tired murmurs and light touches, comfortable in the quietness of their world.

“Hey, Seul?”

Seulgi hummed from behind her, head lolled back to rest against the car window in the most comfortable resting position she could find without jostling Seungwan. 

“Thank you.” She hoped that those two words could convey what she really meant.

When she felt Seulgi’s lips on her hair, she knew she understood.

(Miss Kang didn’t have the heart to wake them up two hours later, even though it was dinner time and Seulgi was supposed to be grounded for a month. She closed the garage door quietly behind her, and smacked her husband when he almost choked upon seeing their daughter exiting the driveway on her bike, Seungwan holding onto her so tightly they seemed to be fused together.

She’d have time to be grounded after she took Seungwan home.)

-

**_Sixteen_ **

-

Seulgi had been  _ begging  _ her parents for a license from the moment she turned sixteen, and true to their word, they paid for it barely a month after her birthday.

Seungwan had been  _ begging  _ her parents not to make her learn how to drive.

“It’s a death machine!” She’d moan over and over, foot stomping like a child in the middle of her kitchen. “I want  _ no  _ responsibility on its handling. Can’t Seulgi-yah just drive me around forever?”

Her mother looked over at the girl in question, who seemed to be struggling to open a can of peas, smacking it lightly with the can opener as if hoping for it to open itself up for her — until Mr. Shon stepped in, gently grabbing the can from her hands and turning it over. Where the pull tab was.

Mrs. Shon looked back at her pleading daughter.

“No. You are driving yourself places, young lady.”

Unfortunately for Mrs. Shon, compromise didn’t look so much like Seungwan magically acceding to be taught by her parents, but accepting lessons from  _ one _ individual in specific.

  
  


“Okay, now you have to let go of the clutch slowly, at the same time you step on the gas.”

“Wait, what gear is it on right now?”

Seulgi smiled at the nervousness in her best friend’s voice. “First, Wannie. That’s the only one you can start on.”

Seungwan nodded nervously, knuckles humorously white around the worn leather of Seulgi’s steering wheel. “What if— what if I accidentally set it on the third and the car careens forward from here?” She turned to Seulgi, eyes pleading in the privacy of the car. “Can you check again?”

Seungwan knew that this wasn’t what Seulgi signed up for when she offered to teach Seungwan how to drive stick on a hot summer night after their sixteenth birthday, but she couldn’t help the irrational claw of fear from clamping around her body until she was so tense that Seulgi couldn’t pry her hands off the steering wheel with a crowbar if she tried.

For Seungwan’s sake, Seulgi made a show of checking the gear stick once again. “See? It’s on the first position,” she explained, “and even if you accidentally set it on third, the car would simply not start up, okay? The pull would be too loose, and the engine would drown in a second so you’d stall. Completely safe.”

“Okay,” Seungwan replied, more to mentalize herself than to acknowledge Seulgi’s words. “Okay. So now I just have to lift my foot off the clutch slowly, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay.”

The car didn’t move an inch.

“Wannie.”

“Wait, can you count down?”

Seulgi sighed, eternally amused by her best friend even if her wallet had to pay for it with all the gas going to waste in that moment. “ _ Okay _ . I count down and you do what?”

“Lift my foot off the clutch.”

“And?”

“And step on the gas.”

“Good girl.” Seulgi nodded, content with her answer. “Do it slowly, okay?” Then, she reached across the console to put her hand on Seungwan’s thigh reassuringly, smiling at the tiny flinch it caused before she felt Seungwan relax under her touch. “Three, two, one, go!”

With a barely there purr of the engine Seungwan finally let go, pressing down on the pedal with just enough force to make the car jostle forward a couple times before setting out on a steady line across the empty parking lot.

“You’re doing it! Look at you!”

Seungwan’s anxious smile could split her face in half. “Wait, I’m doing it!”

Seulgi’s fingers tightened around her skin for a second in congratulations. “Yes, you are!” Then, after celebrating for a few seconds, she rubbed Seungwan’s thigh to get her attention. “Now, time for second gear.”

Seungwan’s horrified protest could be heard from the K-Mart a few hundred feet away.

  
  


-

**_Seventeen_ **

-

  
  


_ Technically _ , Seungwan’s first kiss was a sloppy peck when she was in kindergarten and one of her classmates crashed their closed mouths together awkwardly before running off. And  _ technically _ , Seulgi’s first kiss had been with one of the boys in her math class after a lost bet, lips tight and tense against each other for a second of utter humiliation.

But technicalities didn’t count sometimes, Mrs. Kim had said once — and yeah, she meant loopholes in the exam grading system, but it applied to first kisses too if they sucked.

Sometimes, firsts only counted with the right person.

Seulgi’s hand was warm on her thigh.

“Hands on nine and three,” Seungwan would say every time, and every time Seulgi would comply for about a minute before her hand ended up in Seungwan’s lap again. Seungwan hid her smile as she sandwiched it between her own.

It was Seulgi’s seventeenth birthday, a few days before Seungwan’s. It had started to rain unexpectedly after school that day, Seungwan’s soaked clothes attesting to the terrible weather as they stuck to her skin uncomfortably under the big sweater Seulgi always carried in her car, a little bit sweaty but perfect for the current situation. Seulgi was supposed to drive her home so she could do homework —it was still a Thursday, birthday or not — but Seungwan had something different in mind.

Unbeknownst to Seulgi, there was a party awaiting for her at home, and it was Seungwan’s duty to keep her entertained until she got the green light from Seulgi’s brother.

“Let’s go to the cabin,” she said only a couple streets away from her house, voice as nonchalant as she could make it when nerves were buzzing under her skin. Seulgi’s fingers tapped a rhythm on her skin as she obeyed seamlessly. That was Seulgi, immediately accepting of anything Seungwan said, of everything she wanted.

It wasn’t long before they were in the isolated spot between trees and a broken down, rotten cabin at the edge of a dirt path. They found the run down shack not too long ago, a perfect spot to park the car and spend dead hours isolated from the world. The rain made it hard to see past the windshield, the sound of it soothing her nerves just so. 

Seulgi was the first to clamber into the backseat after a pause, long limbs tripping over the center console, laughter raining from Seungwan’s lips when her friend’s foot got caught in the gear stick and she careened face first into the seat.

“This isn’t funny,” Seulgi said with a laugh, eyes closed in amusement as she readjusted herself so that Seungwan could climb onto her lap like she liked to do when they were like this, in their own world.

“It was a little bit funny,” Seungwan argued, shorter limbs making it easier for her. She fell heavily on Seulgi’s lap, knees bare on either side of her friend as Seulgi’s arms came around her, tight like she was afraid she’d disappear if she let go. “You even got a mark! How can you be captain of the dancing team yet so clumsy?” Her thumb rubbed the tender skin of her forehead with a lenient smile.

From where she was perched on Seulgi’s lap, the taller girl had to look up at her, to Seungwan’s utter delight. Seulgi’s pout looked adorable from above.

“You  _ knew _ this about me. We’ve been best friends for seven years.” She yelped when Seungwan smacked her forehead. “ _ Ow _ ! What the hell was that for?”

“ _ Seven _ years?”

Seulgi blinked owlishly. “Is this a trick question?”

Seungwan was suddenly serious, staring her down like a teacher awaiting for the correct answer.

“We met nine years ago.”

“When you moved here from Canada, yes.”

“And we became friends, didn’t we? Nine years ago?”

Seulgi’s agape mouth was comical. “But we weren’t best friends right away!” At the affronted expression on Seungwan’s pinched face, like her whole world was tilting on its axis, Seulgi bit her lip, stifling the smile blooming on her mouth. “Actually, that’s not true, you’re right.” She conceded softly as she leaned her head on the headrest, suddenly feeling how close her best friend was, pressed up against her and sharing a breath. “I’ve met you before, across times, beyond lifetimes. I have loved you so many times that when I met you in this life, it felt like I already knew you.”

Seungwan could only look, playful offence forgotten in favor of realizing that Seulgi had, once again, managed to catch her off balance. Her eyes glistened with something, mouth a bit surprised.

Without thinking, she leaned down.

She knew her first kiss didn’t count, because she couldn’t recall a single moment of it meanwhile Seulgi’s lips against hers would be ingrained in her brain  _ forever _ .

Seulgi kissed her back like she expected Seungwan to do that. 

They went slow, careful. Seungwan didn’t dare move in case she did something wrong — could kissing even go  _ wrong _ ? —, instead choosing to move closer, her mouth pressing more firmly to Seulgi’s. It was short and a little bit awkward, with her wet clothes clinging to her skin coldly and her breath shaky as it mingled with Seulgi’s.

The rain splattered against the car as they kissed again, Seulgi’s hands warm and strong on her waist, curled around her jaw, like they belonged there. She pressed her nose against her best friend’s when they pulled back, rubbing it down the bridge of her nose.

“Happy birthday,” Seungwan murmured into the space between them, smiling at the blush in her best friend’s cheeks, knowing hers was even worse. “That felt kinda nice.”

“Yeah,” Seulgi agreed dreamily. She cleared her throat. “Was that your…?”

Seungwan bit her lip, suddenly feeling too exposed. “Well, it depends. Do you count David Kopf from kindergarten?”

Seulgi’s eyes disappeared with the force of her smile lifting her cheeks up. “I won’t if you don’t count Choi Jaehyun from fourth grade.”

Seungwan couldn’t help the snort that exploded in her throat. “Oh my god, I forgot about that. I can’t believe that was yours…”

“Yeah, well,” Seulgi argued back, pulling her a bit closer in the confines of her car. “Are you one to speak?”

With a sigh, the now younger girl shrugged. “I guess not.” She looked at an undefined spot behind Seulgi’s face, quietness falling upon them like a blanket. There was a certain look in her eye, the same expression she wore when she suddenly didn’t feel as confident in something anymore, and the birthday girl sprang into action. With the dumbest smile she could muster, she lightly punched Seungwan’s arm, who in turn looked at her with an affronted frown.

“Thank you, Wannie. Best present ever.”

Seungwan softened immediately, nodding slowly. “You haven’t seen your real present yet, though.”

Seulgi winked at her playfully. “I think it’s gonna be hard to top.”

(Unsurprisingly, she also loved Seungwan’s  _ real  _ present.)

Eleven days later, they did it again.

Their second kiss was sweeter. It was also wetter. 

Seulgi’s tongue was shy against her lips, the feeling so foreign that Seungwan almost pulled back, but she decided against it at the last second, inhaling deeply through her nose before she hesitantly opened her mouth. 

It was like they had been counting the days until it would happen again, so unlike the spontaneous kiss they shared a week and a half before. Instead of the universe conspiring for them to share their  _ alleged  _ first kiss, it felt like they had been the ones tampering with reality with hushed whispers and meaningful glances to lead them right where they were, inside of Seulgi’s car in the exact same spot they were merely days before.

It was  _ exciting. _

A strained sound escaped her throat when Seulgi’s tentative tongue brushed hers, the aftertaste of whatever Seulgi had for lunch permeating her senses for a second. She should’ve found it gross — she was sure she would if it was anyone else — but it just made her feel like that was Seulgi, unabashed.

She didn’t know how long it lasted, couldn’t for the life of her tell if the sun had been that low on the horizon when they started kissing, or if the windows had been so foggy before Seulgi’s hand started squeezing high up on her thigh.

She only knew it lasted a tad too long when Seulgi drove her home after to a surprise party that, allegedly, should have started forty-five minutes before.

“I fell asleep!” Seulgi lied, feline eyes wide in innocence.

Seungwan looked at her from across the room as their friends ceaselessly teased Seulgi for her predictable habits, biting her lip when their eyes met between a sea of people who knew  _ nothing _ . 

She didn’t think birthdays could get better than that.

-

**_Eighteen_ **

-

  
  


College was wild. It was also  _ theirs. _

They escaped their hometown together, matching scholarships to the same college tightening the laces of their inevitability. They were meant to stay together through everything.

Best friends.

_ Soulmates. _

  
  


Seulgi was the taller one, and as such, the picture-hanging duties depended on her.

“You can’t put that one up, I look terrible!”

“Sure I can,” the dance major teased her, making sure to get on her tiptoes so she could stick the picture in question well above Seungwan’s removal range. “See? What a cutie!” The polaroid showed Seungwan pulling an extremely unflattering face from Seulgi’s lap, who was cackling at the sight, head thrown back and mirth clearly written all over her face. 

“Stop! How would you feel if I put up that picture of you crying when your hand got stuck in the pringles can?”

Seulgi shrugged, turning to look at her best friend proudly. “I wouldn’t mind, because I know it makes you happy.”

Seungwan groaned at her friend’s unequivocal kindness. There had to be a law against manipulation of this caliber.

“Ugh,  _ fine _ ! I hate it when you get all sweet so that I have to say yes to everything.”

Seulgi’s offended gasp accompanied her outraged face. It made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. “I have  _ never _ done such a thing! All my sweetness is genuine, Shon Seungwan.” She moved closer to the girl, trying to intimidate her into backing up. Seungwan didn’t budge, waiting for Seulgi to strike. “You’re the evil one here, you know.”

“Me?”

“Yes!” She pushed her finger into Seungwan’s shoulder playfully, like anyone with half her heart would do to start a fight. “You look at me with those big, brown eyes, and you pout at me — yes, just like that! —, and what am I supposed to do? Say no to you?”

“You do say ‘no’ to me a surprising amount,” grumbled Seungwan, still stuck on the offending polaroid Seulgi had somehow managed to sneak in her decorative duties. “What about saying ‘yes’ for a change? Think you can do that?”

Seulgi looked pensive for a second. “Hmm, try me.”

“Take down that picture.”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow. “Wanna try again?”

Seungwan growled in annoyance. “Fine! Leave that stupid polaroid up. I will take it down when you leave, anyway.” No, she wouldn’t. “Will you take me to the movies later?”

Seulgi’s eyes held galaxies in them. “So you can fall asleep and drool on my shoulder? Absolutely.”

“Of course you’d bring it up again…”

“Well, it happened!”

“ _ Once _ !”

Laughter echoed within the four walls of Seungwan’s room. Their first time away from home, away from everyone but each other. It felt like something was starting, something exciting, their new life. Together.

Later that day they went to the movies (no one fell asleep), and walked hand-in-hand amongst the trees surrounding their university, so tall that they couldn’t see the stars.

“You cannot see them from the city anyway,” Seulgi confided, cheeks rosy and nose runny from the cold Seoul night, “but they’re always there. That’s the magic of the stars.”

Seungwan held her hand tighter.

  
  


-

**_Nineteen_ **

-

  
  


Parties were never Seungwan’s thing, but they were Seulgi’s.

“We’ll be back whenever you want,” she promised her best friend the first time Seungwan gave in, so happy to have her say yes to their first college party together that she was willing to do anything under the sun. “We’re gonna have so much fun!”

The issue with Seulgi was that she liked too much, and in turn was very well liked. Seungwan simply couldn’t relate.

“Does this look okay?” She asked Seulgi, insecurity seeping into her voice. “Do I look weird? This shirt is like a tote-bag.”

Seulgi came up from behind her, the few centimeters she had on her put to good use as she pressed her cheek to her best friend’s to inspect her better in the mirror. “Are you kidding? I think I’m gonna be fighting boys all night.”

“Yah!” Protested the girl, hoping that Seulgi couldn’t feel the heat rising to her cheeks. “I’m serious. Should I change? You look so pretty, I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb or something.”

Seulgi, infinitely kind Seulgi, smiled at her. “I don’t think I could take my eyes off you if I tried.”

“Is it that ugly?”

Seulgi giggled, squeezing her hips in retaliation. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

True to her word, Seulgi kept an eye on her all night long. Even when they were a few feet apart and Seulgi’s attention was demanded by other people, Seungwan always caught her eye through the crowd, making sure that she was enjoying herself. 

Guys came to talk to her because apparently her shirt did  _ not _ look like a tote-bag, and she couldn’t be too sure, but she would almost say that people other than Seulgi...liked her? As expected, her best friend had been unwillingly swept away by the crowd fighting for her time, but Seungwan didn’t mind. 

“You come here alone?”

Seungwan bit her lip, refusing to face the voice as she sipped on the sweet beverage which had wormed its way into her hand at some point. It was sugary, overpowering the bitterness of whatever liquor it was mixed with enough that she was tipsier than anticipated. “Yes.”

“Really?” The voice teased closer to her ear. “What a shame. Can I change that?”

She turned around, smile so big that she would have felt a bit foolish had she not been drinking. “I don’t know. Can you?”

Seulgi took her outside, hand clammy under hers. She missed it all through the party and didn’t even know it until their fingers came together like magnets.

“See those stars?” She slurred from behind Seungwan, pointing at a mess of barely-there lights above them. “That constellation is Ursa Major, that’s the big bear, and the one next to it — wait, no,  _ that _ one—, that’s Ursa Minor.”

“Little bear,” Seungwan murmured.

They were sitting away from the music, Seungwan tucked back against Seulgi’s chest, her long limbs protecting the precious cargo she held. It was a chilly May night, but Seungwan thought she could stay like that forever.

“Little bear,” Seulgi confirmed, “that’s you, and I’m the big one. See? Even in the sky I’m taking care of you. Up there, forever.”

Seungwan observed the way they twinkled, mesmerized. “Forever?”

“Well, actually,” Seulgi rectified, readjusting so she could change her hold on her best friend, scooting closer if possible to her warmth. “Most of those stars are so far away that by the time their light reaches us they will be dead, but we won’t stop seeing them for millions of years.”

“That’s sad,” Seungwan lamented, pouting up at the stars. “We only see them in death.”

“Yeah,” Seulgi confirmed, a bit sad herself, “but for that they need to have lived for millions of years before. Isn’t that a nice life to live?”

Seungwan pondered. She guessed Seulgi was right, ever the optimist. She wouldn’t mind living a million years next to her. 

“How do you know so much about stars anyway? You fall asleep during half your lectures, and I haven’t seen you open a book since seventh grade.”

“ _ ‘You fall asleep during half your lectures’ _ !’” Seulgi mocked, pinching the tender skin of her best friend’s sides, making her twitch like a fish. “You know I’ve always liked space and stuff! But also, I accidentally watched a documentary the other day, and it was good. I learned more than I ever could at school, mind you.”

Seungwan gaped, perplexed. “How does one accidentally… you know what? Nevermind. I’m glad you learned something.”

Seulgi’s enthusiasm warmed Seungwan’s face. “They also talked about wormholes, like portals to other universes and stuff. I don’t know if I believe in all that, but it would be so cool if it were real.”

“Nerd.”

Seulgi giggled. “You wish. ‘That’s all for today folks, the next episode of  _ ‘Learning with Seulgi’ _ to be announced, possibly never unless she watches another documentary at gunpoint’.”

Seungwan cracked up, burying her face on the hot column of her best friend’s neck. The smell of aloe vera wafted up from her skin, comforting. This is what happiness was supposed to feel like.

“Hey Seul,” she spoke up, eyes closed and voice tired, “sleep with me today?”

She gasped loudly. “Take me out to dinner first!”

Seungwan huffed, biting her lip to stop the grin from taking over. “Stop being a fuckboy and say yes.”

She felt the smile pressing against her cheek. “Yes.”

In the end, Seungwan  _ did _ take her to McDonalds before bed. 

It was the little things.

-

**_Twenty_ **

-

  
  


Joohyun, their most reliable unnie, had proven time and time again to be a beacon of guidance from middle school to high school to college, unwavering in her support. Now, she was a grad student, and her knowledge was  _ invaluable _ , her experiences stepping stones for her favorite dongsaengs to find leverage on.

Too much, sometimes.

“ _ DoyoulikeJoohyununnie _ ?”

Seungwan didn’t process the question, focused as she was on her homework.

“Huh?” She inquired as she scribbled the right response on her notebook, tongue caught between her teeth. 

It was after school, one of the mercifully free afternoons they both shared without lectures or extracurriculars. They usually spent it in Seulgi’s room, where they agreed to do all their schoolwork before settling down to watch a movie, but so far, only Seungwan was holding up her part of the deal while Seulgi had been doodling on her notebook, frustrated sighs escaping her mouth.

“Nevermind.” Her tone was clipped, and Seungwan pulled back from the book, sensing that something was off. She turned to her best friend, whose fingers had stopped twirling her pencil absentmindedly, suddenly looking very focused on her notebook.

Seungwan bumped their shoulders together. “Hey, I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Seulgi continued staring daggers into her notebook, her expression adorably frumpy. Seungwan sighed like a mother trying to appease a specially stubborn kid. She maneuvered herself so she could sneak her arm around Seulgi’s, her smaller hand loosely wrapped around her best friend’s in a quiet show of comfort. “Can you tell me?” She pleaded, eyes purposefully wide and bottom lip jutted out in her best imitation of puss in boots. “ _ Pwease _ ?”

“Arg,  _ stop _ ,” Seulgi complained, even though her cheeks seemed to have heated up slightly. “It was dumb anyway, shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it wasn’t!” Seungwan assured her. “Come on, spill.”

“Promise you won’t laugh.”

Seungwan quirked an eyebrow. “Okay?” Seulgi’s expression hardened. “Sorry, I won’t laugh!”

She looked at her smaller friend for a tad longer before she was convinced that she could ask the question.

“Do you like Joohyun unnie?”

Seungwan didn’t understand the question. “Of course I do? She’s our friend! Why, did something happen?” She brought her voice down a little, suddenly concerned. “Did you two fight?”

“No, Wannie, I mean—  _ ugh _ . Do you  _ like _ like her? As in, do you have a crush on her?”

Now,  _ that _ was a knee slapper. 

“ _ What _ ?” Seungwan had to ask, laughter spilling from her lips at the revelation. Seulgi thought she had a crush on Joohyun? “Why would you think that? When have I ever—  _ really _ ?”

Seulgi looked a bit affronted at her reaction, but the relief on her face was undeniable. “What! You’re always spending time together! And she looks at you like  _ that _ , what am I supposed to think?”

“Like  _ what _ ?” She asked her, genuinely puzzled. “Seulgi-yah, she’s  _ our  _ unnie, and we have been studying together. She’s helping me with finals, you know this. We even asked you to join, but you said no!”

“Because I knew I’d be intruding!” Ah, there it was. That rare bout of insecurity that made her just as human as everyone else. “You’re both so smart, always thinking about school and your futures, and…”

“And what? Are you not smart? Aren’t you the girl who secured a spot in Seoul’s best university by her own merit?”

“You can hardly call it that,” she refuted sulkily, but Seungwan wouldn’t let her have it.

“You’re so smart, you managed to excel in dance enough to be granted a scholarship, all the while you kept your grades up. Isn’t that amazing? You’re incredible, Seul, but next time you think something like that, you better let me know so I can kick your ass.”

Seulgi scoffed, trying to hide her smile. “As if.”

Seungwan paid it no mind. “Besides, didn’t we talk about this before? And we said we didn’t like anyone, do you remember?” It had become a regular habit of theirs, to check for each other’s affections with an impatient breath, sighing when the negative inevitably came. Seungwan couldn’t put a finger on the reason if she tried.

“Yeah, well,” Seulgi murmured under her breath. “Maybe we lied.”

Seungwan tightened the grip around her wrist.

_ Maybe we did. _

Four days later, Joohyun asked Seungwan out. 

Seungwan said yes.

Seulgi congratulated her. She couldn’t really tell if she meant it or not. 

They had their first date a few days after that, some fancy restaurant that Joohyun could only afford thanks to the dual internship she juggled with years of business school. 

“Is this really okay?” She asked Seungwan with a nervous smile, edges of insecurity showing through the cracks that Seungwan was so familiar with. She had picked her up from the dorms looking as breathtaking as ever, donned so elegantly that Seungwan had to wonder, not for the first time, what a woman like Joohyun saw in someone like her. The younger girl, who had ridden in that very car for years, felt the subtle shift in the air, the white-knuckle-grip on the steering wheel, the tense line of Joohyun’s shoulders. “I mean, we don’t have to— I know it can be weird, and—“

“ _ Unnie, _ ” she called out, trying to soothe the poor woman about to have a breakdown. “It’s fine, I promise. I said yes, and I meant it. Let’s have fun, okay?”

Joohyun inhaled deeply. The beautiful planes of her face flashed in and out of sight whenever they drove under the streetlights, but she saw her grateful smile when she turned to nod at her. “Right. Let’s have fun.”

They did indeed have fun — Joohyun was painfully funny in an accidental way, and Seungwan was comfortable enough with her not to have to fake her smiles nor tone down her opinions. All throughout the date she felt quietly comforted by the familiarity she exuded, but she couldn’t help the tug in her chest whenever she looked around and saw all the other couples, the candles and the sweet music.

On dates just like them, trying to find love, just like them.

So why did she feel so heavy?

She figured out why when she kissed Joohyun inside the car, in front of the dorm she shared with Seulgi.

It was tentative, Joohyun too respectful and self-aware to be even one bit ahead of herself, her hand soft on Seungwan’s plump cheek as she kissed her slowly. She didn’t try to lead even though it came naturally to her, instead acquainting herself with a warm mouth, dipping past soft lips, shifting a bit closer until the console dug into her hip.

It was nice, just how she imagined kissing someone like Joohyun would feel like, but her mind flashed back to ruddy cheeks and monolid eyes, to graceless snorts and friendly punches, and suddenly she had to pull back, eyes stinging.

Joohyun, albeit worried, looked like she  _ knew. _

“God, unnie, I’m  _ so  _ sorry…”

“It’s okay,” she told her, voice more secure than it had been all night. There was confidence in experience, she guessed. “It’s okay, Seungwan-ah, I know.”

“You do?” Seungwan inquired, voice small and teary.  _ God, _ how had she managed to mess this up? There were caring thumbs wiping tears off her face, Joohyun doing the reassuring this time around, seamlessly stepping back into the unnie role she had so readily accepted all those years ago.

Joohyun nodded, smile wobbling a little bit, but no hint of sadness in her eyes. “Honestly, it was dumb of me to even ask you out, knowing what you feel for her _.  _ I’ve known for years, but I guess I still...” silence hung heavy in the air, so much so that Seungwan could almost feel it oppressing her chest. For  _ years? _ “I’m sorry that I put you in an uncomfortable position with Seulgi-yah.”

Seungwan blinked, out of words to put her feelings into, to say out loud.

Joohyun was eternally patient with her for whatever reason she was too frazzled to understand. Seungwan revelled in how much she’d like the older woman if her heart didn’t already belong to someone else.

“Thank you, unnie.”

Joohyun seemed at least happy that something had worked out, even if it wasn’t  _ them.  _ Small victories in small realizations.

“Now, go home and tell her how you feel. Good things don’t last forever, you know? Sometimes it's just not meant to be,” she admitted, voice heavy. “But there’s no doubt in my mind that you two are made for each other.” At her hesitation, she raised her eyebrows, patting her cheek softly. “Go!”

Immense tenderness encased Seunwgan’s petite body. She was sure she’d remember Joohyun’s kind smile in the car forever, unchanged from the first time she saw her, all those years ago. An unwavering protector, always there for her. With a shaky breath she leaned over the center console, pressing wet lips to Joohyun’s cheek, who closed her eyes at the feeling.

She got off the car with a brave puffing of her chest. Joohyun unnie was  _ right.  _ For once in her life, she wasn’t going to accept what came towards her with a resigned smile, but  _ fight  _ for what she wanted, for  _ who _ she wanted.

She walked determinedly, shaking off the nerves clinging onto her every muscle. The sudden warmth of the building’s hallway turned up the red in her cheeks even more, and she couldn’t even wait for the elevator, instead opting for taking the stairs two at a time until she arrived on the fifth floor, short of breath and  _ dying  _ to let her feelings spill, to let her heart speak directly to its owner.

She opened the apartment door, steely determination shining in her eyes. She was going to do it. She had been wrong, she knew, but she still had time to make it right, apologize to Seulgi and confess to her, make her  _ see… _

“Wannie!” 

She knew that face, those wide eyes, caught red-handed doing something she wasn’t supposed to. She knew it like the palm of her hand.

What she didn’t know was who the girl scrambling off her lap was.

-

**_Twenty-one_ **

-

Seulgi and Jisoo had been seeing each other for a couple months now.

Nothing had changed, really, other than the gaping hole that realization left on Seungwan’s chest where relief should have wormed its way in. Seulgi remained her best friend, her favorite person on earth, soulmate undisputed.

It was just that, maybe, she wasn’t Seulgi’s anymore.

She woke up to warmth stuck to her back, wrapped around her stomach like a bear trap. She could barely locate the offending machine beeping on the bedside table with the way a body clung to hers, but she  _ finally  _ managed after an impressive show of flexibility and bone-creaking resilience.

Arms tightened around her, a nose nuzzling the nape of her neck like a puppy would its owner. It lured Seungwan back into the claws of sleep for a second before she remembered.

“Come on, get up,” she groaned, trying to no avail to pry Seulgi’s surprisingly strong arms off her midsection. “Seul, we have to get Sooyoung-ah’s gift before her party this afternoon, remember? We need to get up now.”

“Don’t wanna,” her friend whined petulantly, lips curling down into a pout against the skin of Seungwan’s neck. “Can’t the little demon get her own gift? She always complains about whatever we get her anyway.” Seulgi’s trademark early morning grumpiness should’ve been intolerable at worst after ten years, annoying at best, but to Seungwan it just meant comfort.

“That’s because we never get up in time to get her something she might actually like.”

“Hmm, doesn’t sound like us.” Her voice was less groggy, her hands more purposeful as they tried — and succeeded — to turn Seungwan over until they were face to face, puffy eyes and warm cheeks disclosed in all their shameful glory. “I think we give the best gifts on earth.” Her sleepy eyes were sincere, open in that Seulgi way of hers that meant she was absolutely certain of what she was saying. Then, she drew them downwards, to where Seungwan’s cheek against the pillow squished her lips a little bit, making them look ridiculous.

Seungwan’s breath stalled in her chest when she felt a hand on the back of her neck, lazy fingers toying with the wispy hairs, giving Seulgi enough leverage to shuffle slightly closer, her morning breath hitting Seungwan’s mouth, who was sure she should mind infinitely more than she did. Their noses brushed intimately, the semi-darkness of the morning concealing them from each other.

Every birthday since they were eight flashed beneath Seungwan’s closed eyelids. From the rowdy chaos of their elementary school celebrations, which simmered down only a little by middle school, to the explicit request made by Seungwan on her thirteen birthday for  _ no  _ more Hannah Montana related items, mirrored by a snickering Seulgi right behind her. From the afternoons spent chasing each other on a colorfully decorated garden, streamers and party hats perched on tiny heads, to evenings holed up in each other’s rooms, giggling as they tried to find an utility for all of people’s gifts. 

From holding clammy hands under a table while one of them was supposed to blow some candles, to kissing in secret inside a parked car as the rain hammered down onto the roof.

Seulgi tilted her head up the slightest bit, her lips booping Seungwan’s nose. She missed closeness like this.

With one last, long-lasting sigh, Seungwan opened her eyes to reality.

“Let’s go, Seul-ah.”

They ended up buying something neutral — some makeup palette Sooyoung had been moaning about for weeks, even though the girls knew she’d get to use it only a handful of times before a newer, more attractive version came out, and the cycle started all over again.

Such were the hardships of love.

Jisoo, of course, was invited to the party, as was her best friend Jennie, who coincidentally happened to be Sooyoung’s classmate. 

“I feel like there’s five degrees of separation  _ at most  _ between all lesbians on the planet,” Sooyoung’s girlfriend piped in from their couch, where she was rearranging snacks for their future visitors. Seulgi and Seungwan had arrived early to help with the preparations, as good unnies did. “Like, I bet if I just say my ex’s name, someone here will go ‘ _ oh,  _ I remember her from banjo class!’ or ‘yeah, she helped me build my first car when I was in high school!’”

“ _ Yah _ , Yerim-ah,” Sooyoung chastised her, ignoring their friends’ snickers, “you’re not allowed to talk about your exes on my birthday!”

Joohyun arrived a while later, covered cake in her hands that went straight into the fridge with a humorous little squeal. She greeted them warmly after safely dropping her cargo, squeezing Seungwan’s forearm quietly as she pulled back with a warm gaze.

Jisoo and Jennie took a bit longer, and by the time they walked through the door the little get together was in full swing. Seungwan tried to swallow the bitterness scratching at her throat when she saw Seulgi hug Jisoo close in greeting. Jisoo leaned in close to whisper something in Seulgi’s ear, and it only drove the dagger in deeper when Seulgi chuckled, pushing Jisoo back a little bit. 

They approached a couple minutes later, Seulgi’s hand on the small of Jisoo’s back, displaying just how comfortable they were.

“You look lovely today,” Jisoo complimented her, sincerity shining in her eyes, gorgeous smile in place. Seungwan couldn’t fault Seulgi for falling for someone like this. “Did you do something to your hair?”

“Just combed it, the usual,” she joked, which earned her an amused chuckle while Seulgi shook her head with a smile at the predictability of her jest. “You”re the one who looks amazing though, I love the dress!”

It was easy to be nice with a woman like Jisoo, who radiated kindness through every pore and added to any kind of conversation with a few well curated jokes of her own, but jealousy still burned through her veins at the close proximity and knowing glances they shared.

Her only comfort came in the form of one Kim Jennie, who looked just as out of place as she felt.

“I didn’t know Sooyoung-ah had a girlfriend,” she confided as Seungwan poured some diet coke on a glass for her, smiling politely in thanks before continuing. They had moved into the open kitchen, where they had an overview of the gathering without having to mingle. The birthday girl sat in an armchair in the corner of the living room, refusing to let Yerim escape her lap even for a second as she conversed over her shoulder. “She’s always talking about a ‘Yerim’, but I always assumed it was her sister.”

“Oh  _ god _ ,” Seungwan snickered, immensely amused by the discovery. “If you appreciate your life, don’t you  _ ever  _ let her know that. She’s annoying enough about her love life as it is, she doesn’t need another excuse to talk about  _ her sweetest Yerimie.”  _ Despite her words, she felt nothing but affection for the youngest addition to their group, who had fit in seamlessly from the first time a pink-cheeked Sooyoung had brought her over for a game night, introducing her as a friend from school. It was just too much fun to tease the two loudest members of the group, who in turn, turned into an even bigger menace when together.

“They’re the sweetest girls, though. I’m glad that they found each other,” she added. It was still fun to tease Sooyoung about the tiny crush she once had on Seungwan, but it was undeniable that they were a lovely couple.

(Seulgi loved to bring the crush up for some reason, which proved to be a mistake after Yerim was added to the group, who instead of confronting her girlfriend about her questionable teenage choices, admitted to her own past baby crush on Seulgi, whom she had known for years due to a friend in common. 

Needless to say, Sooyoung was  _ not  _ amused).

They spent most of the night like that, Seungwan surprisingly at ease with this underclassman she had only ever seen in the hallways next to Jisoo. Sooyoung commanded everyone's attention with stunning ease, which meant there was not a dull moment the entire night, and she made a show of putting on every gift she had received, her jokes and tirades getting sloppier with every new beer she drank.

She kept catching Seulgi’s eyes on her all night, and while it made warmth flare in her stomach, she made sure to tell herself it was just how Seulgi was. She was there with her possible, more likely than not prospective girlfriend, and Seungwan would respect that, no matter how much it hurt.

Jennie was in a similar predicament, her quiet nature exacerbated by the fact that the only person she wanted to be with was on the other side of the room, giggling with someone else as she stared longingly, sipping coke from a plastic straw in someone else’s kitchen, with someone else’s friend. Seungwan, after connecting the dots with a raised brow, had to chuckle at this. 

Yerim was right; girls like them truly managed to always find each other.

By the end of the night, the two of them — after switching to some light liquor Seungwan knew Sooyoung hid away in a crevice in the pantry — had shifted close, breaking into stupid laughter as they people watched, leaning heavily against each other in that way that people who didn’t usually drink naturally did after a couple glasses.

“And I s-sent the wrong file,” Seungwan barely had time to finish her story before her voice cracked with laughter, Jennie’s face pinched in a silent cackle at her stupidity. She was grasping Seungwan’s forearm tightly to balance herself in her bout of hysterics, her taller body leaning over Seungwan’s. “ _ Again! _ He thought I was dumb as rocks, and— and then he replied...”

For the first time that night, Seulgi wasn’t across the room when she looked up, and her words died in her throat for a second — until she felt someone’s hands around her waist, a taller body pressed up against her back.

“I was looking for you!” An unequivocally cheery Seulgi said, looking down at a flabbergasted Seungwan, whose mind was still halfway caught in her own story. “Mind if I steal her away for a bit?” This time she referred to Jennie, who could only nod with a polite smile, still wiping some tears of laughter off the corner of her eyes.

Next thing Seungwan knew, she was in Sooyoung’s bathroom.

“Wh-what…?”

She didn’t have time to process what happened: one second, she was being shoved into a bathroom rather unceremoniously, and the next one Seulgi was upon her, leaning down just enough to press her mouth against her best friend’s and hold her close in an unrestrained show of - of  _ what? _

Seungwan’s brain had screeched to a halt as she kissed back, arms coming up to embrace her best friend like she was afraid she’d disappear from her grasp if she held her any looser. They both tasted of alcohol and cheap snacks, but it was warm and comforting,  _ them.  _ It was as familiar as ever, Seulgi bending under her touch to kiss her deeper, to lick into her mouth like she had been doing it for years, like it’s what she was meant to be doing. 

Like she did with Jisoo.

With a gasp she pulled back, small hands going from pulling Seulgi closer to pressing down on her shoulders, stopping her from kissing down her neck like she had intended to do. She was met with a disheveled face and wide eyes, Seulgi’s lips deliciously outlined red by her hungry kisses.

It was  _ wrong _ .

“How can you—  _ Jisoo’s here,” _ Seungwan hissed, looking at her in disbelief. Would Seulgi really betray someone’s trust like that just because she was feeling — what, horny? 

Seulgi looked confused for a second, cat-like eyes reduced to slits as she tried to comprehend. Then, it dawned.

“Oh. Oh my  _ God _ .” Her face fell in realization, eyes widening at the absolute disappointment she saw in her best friend’s eyes. Her best friend, who thought the world of her, who seemed to be waking up from her stupor. “Wait, Wannie, I can explain…”

“How can you explain  _ this _ ?” She pointed between them furiously, tears beginning to sting in her eyes. God, it  _ hurt _ , to have your heart toyed with like this. “How can you be dating Jisoo, who’s in the other  _ fucking _ room, and be kissing  _ me _ ?”

Seulgi looked on the verge of tears herself. “It’s all a lie! I lied!”

A humorless chuckle escaped Seungwan’s mouth as she rolled her eyes at the unnecessary statement. “Yeah, well, I can see that.”

Seulgi shook her head, frustrated by the turn of events. The  _ nerve _ of her.

“No, you don't—  _ arg! _ ” She ran her fingers through her hair, lost for words until she inhaled deeply, finally finding what she wanted to say.

“Jisoo and I, we are not really dating. We don’t even  _ like  _ each other like that!” Her voice was louder than it should be at someone else’s bathroom, but desperation tugged on her vocal cords, dragging words out of her throat fiercely. “I was so jealous that day Joohyun unnie asked you out that I came up with this  _ stupid  _ idea to try to...to pretend we were seeing each other. Just so you would feel what I felt, or maybe so it would snap you out of it, I don’t know!” Her voice was bordering on hysterical by then, and all Seungwan could do was take it in, wide eyes and mouth agape as Seulgi bared her soul in a confession. “Jisoo-yah, she’s lovely, really, but she’s been in love with Jennie-yah for God knows how long, and she agreed that maybe it could work. Just, use each other to make you jealous. That’s it.” By the end of it, she had deflated like a balloon, all energy zapped out of her. 

To say that Seungwan was surprised would be an understatement. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, the last fumes of alcohol evaporating from her mind like they were never there, just to  _ understand. _

What was Seulgi saying?

“So, when I got back from that date with Joohyun unnie…?”

Seulgi raised her hand, defeated, bringing it down in the next second with a grimace. “I had been looking out of the window for hours. God, I was so anxious, I felt like I had someone sitting down on my chest, and then Jisoo-yah came over for a project and she— she saw me, and she  _ knew  _ right away. So when I saw you kiss Joohyun unnie…” she trailed off, pained at the memory of their beloved unnie liking Seungwan the same way she did, only braver. The shorter girl closed her eyes at how the memory sounded from Seulgi’s lips, so different from how she recalled it. “We thought it would be a good idea at the time.”

It was an odd feeling, finding out that the girl she loved wasn’t really dating someone else. It was bizarre, finding out through an impromptu kiss in someone else’s birthday party, while said girl pretended to be dating someone else to make her jealous. Unmeasurable relief mixed with the disappointment of a lie, both tugging in opposite directions until her chest ached. 

“Wannie?” Seulgi asked tentatively, voice small like a child waiting on punishment. Seungwan couldn’t look at her, or she’d break right away.

“So you like me.” It was more of a statement than a question, years and years of unresolved realizations crashing on top of each other in one simple sentence.

Seulgi huffed, scratching her head a bit. “I’ve been in love with you since high school, but I mean. I  _ guess _ .”

She looked up at her taller friend, who apparently thought it was okay to drop bomb after bomb on her in Sooyoung’s stupidly cluttered bathroom. “Are you serious?”

Seulgi stepped closer, limbs dead weight on her sides. Seungwan felt the need to gather her in her arms, big as she was, to bury her head in Seulgi’s chest forever and bask in the reality of their feelings, but it was too much still. She didn’t fight it when Seulgi’s timid fingers nudged hers, a puppy begging for forgiveness from its favorite person.

“Do you hate me?” She murmured, guilt dripping from her voice, tugging at Seungwan’s heartstrings in a way that she had mastered throughout the years. Unfortunately for her best friend, knowing about it didn’t make it any less effective. 

“I’d be pretty stupid if I hated the girl I’m in love with.”

She was sure she heard a vertebra in Seulgi’s neck snap at the way she turned to look up at her. Her face was the very image of disbelief, her brow furrowed cutely at the news.

_ Both can play at this game. _

“But you…” Seulgi’s eyes narrowed again. It was humorous just how quickly she forgot who the magnifying glass was on, her own bewilderment coming out to shine. “You said yes to Joohyun unnie. And you kissed her.”

Seungwan rolled her eyes. “And then we never went out again! Don’t tell me all this time you thought we were dating?”

Seulgi, to her credit, had the decency to look ashamed. “No,” she squealed out, clearing her throat at the obvious lie. “ _ No _ , of course not,” she repeated in a deeper tone, the red that crawled up her face a clear indicator that she wasn’t saying the truth in case her voice didn’t make it evident enough.

So, that was it.

Seungwan was in love with her best friend, and Seulgi was in love with her back, and it had only taken them six years to figure it out.

A low chuckle broke the silence inside their bubble.

“We are  _ so  _ dumb.” 

There was nothing else to do but laugh at their predicament, because of  _ course  _ this is how it would happen. Seulgi stepped even closer, not finding any reason to stay away from her best friend now, finally so close to where her heart had been beating for years, having found a home in someone else’s body.

“So…” she murmured, head tilted down so she could drink every blink from Seungwan, every breath that pushed out of her lips. She felt Seungwan encountering the unmovable barrier of the sink, making her stop abruptly, and Seulgi’s lips curved up slightly as she managed to tower over her.

Seungwan couldn’t look away from her affable friend, from the longing in her gaze which she had somehow managed to misconstrue, over and over, blindly throughout the years. It was clear as day now, and it made her heart  _ sing. _

“...you have a crush on me? That’s pretty embarrassing.”

Seungwan muffled a playful ‘ _ oh, shut up’ _ against smiling lips.

(When they came out, mouths tender and eyes bright, Jennie and Jisoo were nowhere to be found.

“They’re making out in the emergency stairwell,” Yerim told them nonchalantly, popping a cheeto into her mouth.

“Just like you were doing in  _ my  _ bathroom,” a tipsy Sooyoung supplied from the kitchen, where she was refilling some snacks for her guests. “Or, at least I  _ hope _ that’s what you were doing…”

“You have no room to talk after the little counter incident in  _ our  _ dorm,” Seulgi fought back, not missing a beat. Yerim and Sooyoung’s burning cheeks were all the vindication they needed.)

-

**_Twenty-two_ **

-

Seungwan was ready to crawl out of her skin.

“Have you checked that the bathroom is clean?”

Seulgi nodded absentmindedly from where she was carefully decorating a salad, carefully placing black olives on top of it with the precision of a surgeon. Seungwan was busy finishing the broth they’d serve as second dish, attention divided in the boiling pot and the pastries she had in the oven.

“Did you sweep the floor?” Again, a slow nod as Seulgi rearranged the small delicacies on top of the salad, face much too close to the bowl.

“Okay, good. Good.” The second reassurance was more for herself than for the salad architect. “Oh, and did you…?”

“Did I water the plants? Yes, I did, Wannie,” she placated her, voice as patient as ever. “I fed the children and put them on the balcony so they can get some photosyntaxis, as a treat.”

“ _ Photosyntaxis,”  _ Seunwgan repeated with her first smile of the day. She only minimally relaxed when Seulgi wrapped her arms around her from behind, chin resting on her shoulder comfortably.

“Oops, sorry, did I mess that up?” An obviously smug Seulgi teased her, dropping small kisses down Seungwan’s jaw to where it met her neck. She wouldn’t dare go any further than that considering the circumstances — their parents were visiting their new apartment fresh off graduation, and Seungwan had taken it upon herself to make everything  _ perfect.  _ Of course, that just meant ridiculous amounts of stress both for her and her lover. “Oh, future doctor Shon, can you teach me the right word? I’m afraid I must have missed that part of the lecture…” her voice dropped dangerously low, right as her teeth snagged on the skin of Seungwan’s shoulder, her hands coming under the apron.

“Seulgi-yah…”

In the end, everything came out perfectly fine, despite Seulgi’s stress relief methods involving the counter in ways that did  _ not  _ involve eating — at least, not food.

The Shons and the Kangs had inevitably grown close throughout the years, side effect of their kids being absolutely and unapologetically obsessed with each other for the better part of ten years. There was easy banter and comfortable conversation whether the girls were at the table or not, and they couldn’t help but feel lucky that this was their life, that these were their families.

They loved their new place, adored the food, and the youngest Shon had just brought over the tray of freshly-baked pastries.

Seulgi’s hand was warm on Seungwan’s thigh under the table. This was it.

“So, I have been looking at doctorate programs,” she started fiddling with the fingers squeezing her leg, withering a bit under all the eyes set on her in an uncharacteristic show of coyness. “And there are some very good microbiology PhD programs, but one in particular caught my eye — nothing special, just about molecular bonding and overall the subject of my thesis, and…” she looked at Seulgi, who smiled at her with that encouraging face she so dearly loved, eyes full of promise. Seungwan inhaled. “It’s in Canada.”

Seungwan’s parents blinked in shock, the Kangs looking on in bafflement. 

“When would this be?” Mrs. Shon asked, still at a loss for words. What had been the point of moving in with Seulgi if she didn’t intend to stay?

“In a couple years, after my master’s degree,” she specified, then, added: “and after Seulgi’s done with her two-year contract with SM Entertainment.”

Now, it was the Kangs’ turn to turn to their daughter in puzzlement.

“Why would you…?”

Seulgi turned her hand over, squeezing Seungwan’s when it fell into hers immediately after.

“I’m going with her.” She didn’t need to look away from her favorite eyes, so she didn’t. “I mean, I think it goes without saying at this point, but wherever Seungwan-ah goes I follow, and I’ve always wanted to know about the place where she grew up. All those stories I’ve heard but never managed to fully piece in my head…” emotion almost broke her voice, but she contained it. The future was so bright, so  _ real,  _ that it seemed unbelievable sometimes. She turned to their parents, who were doing their best not to appear as shocked as they surely felt. “Besides, you always told me to follow my dreams, right? And my dream is to be next to Seungwan-ah forever.”

Seungwan’s wet laugh filled the living room, snapping the adults out of whatever daze they had been in.

“So are you two…?”

Mrs. Kang smacked her husband,  _ hard. _

“You cannot  _ possibly _ be this dense.”

All in all, it had been a successful evening.

Later that night, as Seulgi hugged a warm, sleeping Seungwan closer to her cooling chest, she thought about all the opportunities that awaited them. About all the love for each other they had yet to discover, about the adventures they’d live together, about the ring sitting in the back of her underwear drawer next to a couple plane tickets with ‘ _ Vienna’  _ printed on them, rolled in her rattiest pair of socks.

She kissed Seungwan’s forehead softly. 

_ Yeah,  _ she thought,  _ like the stars.  _

_ Forever. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> happy (belated) birthday to wenseul warriors 1 and 2 :D (and my lovely gf — honorary wenseulist)


End file.
